400 Years of Silence

400 years they waited.  400 years of nothing.  Prophets had come and gone.  Malachi had left the Israelites with a stern warning to remember the law and to remember that God would be sending another prophet and ultimately sending the Messiah. But 400 years had come and gone and nothing. 400 years of silence from Heaven.  The Israelites didn’t have the best track record when it came to following God and He had given them chance after chance.  I’m sure some felt He had finally given up on them.  As generations came and went I’m sure the faithful dwindled.  They probably questioned like many of us “If God loved us then why is He not here?”  I’m sure many doubted the faithfulness of God.  After all, He had promised to send another prophet to prepare their hearts and it had been 400 years.  Where was God?  Had He finally given up on His beloved people?  Had He found another people that would be faithful to Him?  Was He going to scratch the whole plan and start over? 

The story of God comes to a despairing moment where you feel that all hope is lost for this people.  They couldn’t be faithful, God had promised to send another prophet after Malachi, and 400 years later still nothing. But then, Christ Jesus arrives. God hadn’t changed.  He was still faithful and to restore His people it wouldn’t take just another prophet.  He chose to clothe Himself in human flesh and come down not just to break the silence but to be with His people.  Because God loved the World so much He GAVE, He came, He broke the silence.  He stepped into the mess of humanity and chose to dwell not in a temple and not in the words of an appointed prophet but He chose to dwell in human flesh.  The creator became Emmanuel and dwelt with the created. 

Ephesians 2:12-13: Remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in this world, But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 

Just when it looks like God’s plan is failing, whether there is 400 years of silence or we are separated because of our sin and hopeless, Jesus arrives on the scene.  He saves the day. We can rest easy because when life is falling to pieces and we can’t make sense of God’s plan, He can.  

Merry Christmas.

My recent eye surgery!

So here’s how it happened.  A lot of people have been asking about my eye surgery; why I had the surgery, what they did, how I found out about it, etc.  Lots of great questions that you probably cannot figure out the answer to through facebook status updates or random pictures that have been posted.  So I wanted to post this to let everyone know how God worked every small detail out in this process and how excited I am to see His hand in this area of my life.  One of my all time favorite verses, and one that God definitely used to walk me through this process is Psalm 37:23-24: “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way.  When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.”  My goal in this post is to show you all how God planned my steps and held my hand and guided me exactly where I am now.

I was born with a stigmatism in my left eye that caused my brain to favor my right eye and thus caused my left eye to be a lazy eye or the official term is a strabismus.  When I was younger my parents would patch my right eye and did all that the doctors said to do but it didn’t help at all.  Growing up I just knew there was nothing else that could be done and so I learned to deal.  It bothered me but when you have no other options you learn to cope.  So that’s what I did.  Life for me was normal.  Although I did my best to be a confident person it still caused some major insecurity for me and I would frequently pray for God to heal my eye.  I would pray and it seemed like God was just telling me no because nothing would happen.  I had resolved that this was going to be my “thorn in my flesh” and I was just going to have to deal.  But, God was planning my steps.

I went to the doctor for a vaccination for Haiti and so, because everything in my life is a complicated process, I had to get a new general practitioner doctor which meant blood work and a complete physical.  At the physical the nurse asked me the generic questions about medical history and any surgeries in my past.  As far as I knew I told her that I had some eye surgeries when I was little but nothing since then.  She then proceeded to ask me if I had seen a doctor about my eye recently to which I told her no, there was after all nothing they could do.  She said that they worked closely with a doctor in Fayetteville (25 minutes from my house) that specialized in adult strabismus.  And of course my response was “I don’t have vision insurance and I cannot afford a specialist!”  She went on to explain that he actually took medical insurance and gave me the number for me just to check it out. 

When I called and made an appointment I honestly didn’t even think I would go but he took my medical insurance which I found strange so I figured I would at least give myself the option.  I didn’t tell anyone, not even my parents.  The appointment was two months from away and I was so convinced that I was just going to be disappointed and the last thing I wanted was for people to be sad for me.  My pride refused to let me be vulnerable in that way.  When the day for the appointment finally came I almost didn’t even go.  I was busy at work with a group and I just didn’t want to rearrange my schedule for disappointment.  But, as God would line my steps up, the group is one that I love dearly who of course was so understanding and could run their whole program without me even there so I decided to take a chance and I went to the appointment.

Dr. Greenberg’s office was packed.  There were people everywhere and my appointment that was originally at 11 ended up being at 1.  I was so annoyed sitting in that waiting room that I almost left several times.  In fact I went to the nurse and told her I was leaving that I couldn’t spend all day there but it just happened to be time for me to go back, another God thing.  Dr. Greenberg ran all kinds of tests and then looked at me and said, “yes, you have an adult strabismus” to which I thought “thank you captain obvious, can I go now?” But what caught me off guard was what he said next.  In the most nonchalant, confident way he just said “oh yeah, I can fix that.” I thought I was going to fall out of my chair. He explained that he was a specialist in adult strabismus and was honestly the best in the field.  It would be a surgery and it would take time to heal but he could do what I thought would never be done.

Over the next week or two God showed up in crazy ways.  There were several things I knew had to happen before I could have the surgery.  I knew it had to be cheap.  I could not afford to pay an astronomical amount for the surgery.  I thought best case scenario it would cost me $1000 and that was all I could handle.  The next thing, and I even mentioned this to a friend, is that ideally it would be done in October. My job is so hectic in November and December and I knew anything in that time would be impossible.  But, Dr. Greenberg only preforms adult surgeries once a month and he has a lengthy waiting list so I didn’t know how much control I could have over that.  And the final thing was I would need a week off work, and thus a week off of school because I wouldn’t be able to do school work for that week. 

The first call from Irene (my little angel nurse) was a scheduling call.  She called to inform me that the only date Dr. Greenberg had within the next few months was on October 12^th but that if I wanted it she’d schedule me.  So, of course, seeing as how that’s what I had secretly hoped for, I jumped on that schedule.  Irene asked me where I worked and when I told her GA Baptist Children’s Home we immediately became friends.  We spent an hour on the phone talking about her son that she had adopted who was now a teenager.  She had so many questions about kids from backgrounds like GBCH and I had so many questions about my surgery.  She was truly a God send. 

My next concern was school.  Like a crazy person I had signed up for 12 hours of graduate level classes to be done in 8 weeks.  This averaged out to about three papers a week and minimum of two exams a week.  But as God would have it, those eight weeks ended on Friday, October 12^th the day of my surgery (you can’t make this stuff up). The next call was to my insurance.  I was so nervous about this one.  The verdict was if Dr. Greenberg was in network I would pay my deductible of $250 and then everything else was covered. If he was not in network I’d pay my deductible and 20% of the bill which would end up at about $1000.  But see God had my back and Dr. Greenberg just happened to be in network.  So to this date I’ve paid $250 and everything else is covered by someone so much bigger than my insurance company.

The week of the surgery came and I was a nervous wreck.  Dr. Greenberg told me there was an 80% chance of success and I was terrified.  Very few people knew about the surgery (again my pride) but one friend at work knew and asked me how I was feeling. She happened to be sitting beside another coworker with a daughter my age.  This coworker asked what kind of surgery I was having and to escape being rude I explained it to her.  She told me that her daughter had the same exact surgery when she was younger.  I knew they were from Arkansas so I asked if her doctor was in Arkansas and she said he was when the surgery was done but they had actually followed him to Atlanta.  Her daughter’s doctor was Dr. Greenberg, the same man preforming my surgery in only two days.  Again God had planned my steps and ensured that I would feel at peace and trust in the fact that he could put people in my life when He wanted to. 

So I had the surgery on October 12^th and spent a week at home recovering.  The surgery was a success.  My left eye is now straight and moves in sync with my right eye.  My vision is improving in my left eye and now that it’s working like it should we’re going to look at ways to get my vision fixed completely.  It won’t be completely set and finished for about two months and it will be swollen and red for about another two weeks but it worked.  I am beyond excited about it.  It’s quite the adjustment and it still throws people off but it’s fixed.  So I had to write this post.  God showed up in my life and worked a miracle and I had to tell His story. Through it all God has showed that He is right by my side.  God planned my steps.  He held my hand and He answered my prayer. 

He is bigger. Period. End of Story.

This week has been one of those weeks where it just starts off rough and seems like nothing goes right.  Literally everything I have tried seems to have gotten messed up somehow.  Even right down to the cake pops I tried to make tonight.  I was trying to be creative and make St. Patrick Day Cake pops for the kids.  They looked so cute on Pinterest and the directions seemed so easy.  Wrong.  It may seem silly, but I literally wanted to just stand in the kitchen and cry as this big mess of cake, icing, and melted candy fell off of the Popsicle sticks.  I wanted to cry not because I burned all of my fingers and not because cake pops are an impossible, ridiculous idea but because it is so frustrating to not have things go the way you want them to.  Then add to that the frustration of feeling so close to some serious issues in kids' lives at work and feeling so helpless!  I want to do more and need to do more, but I don't know how or where or what. 

It’s been the kind of week that you just want to skip.  Then I got the feeling of utter helplessness and frustration.  And then, as usual, God wrecked my “life revolves around me” thinking.  And He reminded me of just how big He is. In Joshua is this story about how God sets out to show the Israelites that He is with Joshua and kind of like He did with the Red Sea, He completely stops up a river.  I mean the Jordan River piles up in a heap behind the priests.  And the land they stand on isn’t muddy or sloshy, it’s dry ground.  And the entire nation of Israel crosses over.  We’re talking thousands upon thousands of people.  And God does this in His spare time.  That God, Yahweh leading His people through the desert, is the same God that I love and talk to everyday.  He’s the same God that hears me whining about all my insignificant problems and the same God that deals with me patiently.  He is the God that is bigger than any mess I can make.  He is bigger than any problem I run into.  He is bigger.  He is enough.  So I can be strong and I can be courageous because the God that stops up rivers for fun, I’m on His team.  No matter how I feel like things get messed up, no situation is ever bigger than my God.  Nothing surprises Him, in fact He plans it all out.  I can rest easy because my God is bigger. Bigger than anything anyone will ever face anywhere.  He’s got this.  Any my life would be a lot less chaotic and a lot less emotional if I could just trust that He is bigger and He is in control. 

On a less serious note, do not be fooled by the pictures on Pinterest of cake pops.  Just go buy them from a bakery.  It is not easy.  They are not cute. And it is not a fun experience. 

There is One who hears us.

Tonight my heart is very heavy for some people that I love dearly.  All I want for the people that I love is to realize how loved they truly are.  From my best friends, to my family members, to some amazing teenagers that I am beyond blessed to know, and even to myself there are so many times we forget.  We forget the love that rescued us and live like we’re not free.  We forget that God is bigger than anything and everything that we will ever face.  We forget. 

I’m reading Deuteronomy right now in my Bible study and God is preparing to take the Israelites finally out of the desert and into the land that they have been promised.  He pleads of them over and over to remember Him and all He did for them.  He knew they were going into a time of change and transition and that they would be faced with armies and enemies but inevitably He would be triumphant in accomplishing His will.  He had promised them this land and He would deliver on that promise.  And all He wanted them to do was remember Him! In Deuteronomy 8:18-20 God pleads with the people to remember that it is He alone who brings them into their time of blessing.  He says if they forget Him they will perish because they are not listening for His voice! 

 

But He’s with them not only when they are in the promised land; He is with them in the trouble.  He says in 7:21 in talking about the enemies they are about to face that “You shall not dread them, for the Lord your God is in your midst, a great and awesome God. “   He was bigger, greater, and more powerful than anything they would ever face. 

The beauty of our God is that no matter where we are, He’s there with His love.  If we’re in the desert wondering where God is and how He could love us, He’s there.  If we’re in a time of transition trying to figure out how we’re going to face our enemies and fight our battles, He’s there.  When we’re heading into a time in our lives of blessing and deliverance of promises, He’s there.  No matter where we are, what we have done, or what we are facing our God is there.  

And His desire for us remains “Oh that they had such a heart in them that they would fear me and keep all my commandments always, that it may be well with them and with their sons forever!”  (Deuteronomy 5:29)

Simple Prayer Request

Hey guys!
At the beginning of this blog I had planned on posting regular prayer requests from work and life.  Because of confidentiality I can't post many details at all, but I need some prayer for a sweet boy I know. 

I was there when he asked God to come into his life and I watched him begin to change.  He was broken and really seeking healing from Christ.  As with a lot of people I know, sometimes life circumstances happen and things get out of control and we lose sight, this is particularly true in his case.  We recently had a conversation and were discussing what life is about to be like for him and he said he thought he was about to get into a lot of trouble because he got a rush from doing bad things.  We started talking about his relationship with Christ and he asked me if asking God to come into your heart was enough to make him a Christian. I explained that it isn't about saying a prayer its about having a relationship.  He went on to tell me that He talks to God but God doesn't care enough to talk back to him and that he reads his Bible but nothing ever happens.  Our conversation was unfortunately cut short but I assured him we would talk about it more this week. 

So please pray that God will provide that opportunity and that this boy would be just as open and honest with me as he was last week.  I don't want him to say what he knows I want to hear, instead I want him to really hear from God even though he doesn't think God cares enough about him.

Thanks in advance!!!

Those people make me crazy!

So, as I'm reading through Exodus God has revealed to me another part of His wonderful sense of humor.  The Israelites have every reason in the World to be wholeheartedly following God.  Look what He did for them in Egypt!  He saved them from their bondage and did it in a very big, bold way.  There is no doubt that God was showing His people and the Egyptians just a glimpse of how much power He possesses.  Then, they are led out of Israel and through the desert by a cloud of fire and or smoke.  God goes into great detail laying out a plan for a place that He would dwell and His people could come to Him.  As I have been reading I just keep thinking, God, you love them so much.  Which is absolutely true and He makes His love for them very clear. 

Moses goes up on Mt. Sinai to meet with God and get some more direction on how they are to uphold their half of the covenant and is gone for forty days (and nights).  And, wait for it, they forget all about God.  Oh, it makes me insane!  I just want to jump up and shout at them to quit being morons.  All I can think is God has done so much for you and you are going to break His heart!  As they offer up their gold and prized possessions (that no doubt could have been used for the Tabernacle) to an image they are making, I just want to go through the pages and scream at them to not forget so quickly what God has done for them. How dare they treat Him with such disregard after all He had done for them. 

He chose them.  He loved them.  He was with them.  But, because they didn't hear from Him like they were used to for forty days they were jumping ship.  They were going to make their own god, follow their own rules, and live life their own way.  As I'm crying out to God about how ridiculous the Israelites were and how I can't believe they would just forget Him before forty days is even up, He reminds me of the times I've forgotten Him.  See, the kicker is, He chose me, He loves me, He is with me.  He gave up Heaven, took on flesh, came to the Earth He created only to be mocked by the very people He created and carried a cross for me.  He sent His Spirit to live within me, not in a building or a tent, but WITHIN me!  Yet, if I don't get what I think I need from God or it doesn't work out like I think it should, Oh how often I jump ship and try to figure my own plan out.  I'm no different than the Israelites that make me so crazy.  I struggle with trying to make God be who I want Him to be instead of worshiping Him in who He is!

I love how God describes Himself in Exodus 34:6-7 after Moses is begging for God to give the Israelites another chance, it beautifully encompasses just who God is (as it should, He said it!)

"Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, 'The Lord, The Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding loingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgreassion and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."

And Moses' response is one we should all seek to practice (v. 8) "Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship."  When you realize the punishment you deserve and see the grace you receive, there really is no other response.