Moving out of the Glass House.

Everyone has a story.  I grew up a “preacher’s kid” which meant I learned early on how to live under a microscope.  What was acceptable for other people just was not permissible for me.  If all the teenagers are in the back talking people are annoyed but if the preacher’s daughter is back there with them then “something needs to be done”.  I mean imagine with me, if the preacher can’t control his kids how can he lead others to raise their own?  My parents did a phenomenal job as parents but the truth remained that at times my dad had to be the pastor, my mom the pastor’s wife, and my sister and I knew our roles early on.  You’re not allowed to slip up, be disrespectful, have a bad attitude, or simply have a bad day in front of others.  The common joke is that we lived in a glass house, literally in the church parking lot.  As the preacher’s daughter, I was expected not only to behave right but if someone was supposed to pray in Sunday school it was me.  If they asked a Bible question I should have the right answer.  I can remember my Sunday school teachers doing a lesson and then asking if I thought what they taught was right.  My parents were great parents and tried so hard to balance out the expectations of others but despite their best efforts being a “PK” left its mark.  To this day, it cripples me when someone thinks I’m not acting appropriately.  Now I get to call it “being professional” but the fact remains, I struggle with living my life in a way that others deem as acceptable.

You think when you grow up that everything will somehow work itself out.  That along the journey of life you’ll arrive at this long awaited point where you are independent and taking care of yourself.  You’ll be living the life you want, how you want, where you want, and you’ll somehow have it all together.  At this point you won’t worry about what other people think of you because you’re too busy being you to actually care.  Your relationship with God will be stable and you’ll finally have reached the point where you don’t struggle with the same things over and over and you’ll be living the abundant life that you always wanted and that Christ promised. 

And then you reach the expected point and realize that life doesn’t really work like that.  You’ll figure out that life is in the daily struggle.  It’s deciding every day to be content where you are.  It’s picking up your cross daily and realizing that some struggles are there to teach you how to overcome.  They get easier, but not because they go away but because you get stronger.  The more you fight something the stronger you are.   

As silly as it is I spent a better part of yesterday evening in tears because of someone else’s opinion of me.  I guess you never really get away from being the preacher’s daughter and even though I’ve moved away I still live in that glass house.  Someone viewed me as a bad influence or a distraction and it really upset me.  I know my intentions and God knows my heart, but the PK in me so badly wanted everyone else to like me and think I was great that it literally stopped me in my tracks.  So today I have to fight a little harder than yesterday.  Today I have to remember that I live my life for the approval of God, not man.