Bittersweet news

Seven years ago I walked on Georgia Baptist Children’s Home’s campus for the first time.  I started my internship in the summer of 2007 as a bubbly, naive, energetic nineteen year old girl who just wanted to love on some kids and change the world.  Little did I know this place would completely change my world and teach me what love truly was.  The residents here stole my heart and I knew without a doubt this is where I was supposed to be so I came back every summer for the next four years.  Then finally I finished my degree and they told me I didn’t have to leave but I could take a full time position as Activities Director.  I was ecstatic.  This was my dream job and I have loved it, the good and the bad of it for the past four years.  

Which is why it is with mixed emotions that I turned in my resignation on Monday. 

There is no doubt that I had it made here.  I got to work with some of the coolest kids (as in teenagers and kids) on the planet and they truly are some of my favorite people.  There are so many residents that I’ve gotten to work with over the past few years that I still think about and miss on a daily basis.  I was given a front row seat to watch God move and work in the lives of these precious people and sometimes He even allowed me to be the one to lead them to Him.  There were long days but at the end of them it was always worth it.  I was here to minister to these kids and teach them things but there is no doubt that they showed me so much more than I taught any of them.  They showed me that true strength is moving forward when your circumstances and the world tell you that you can’t.  They showed me that unbelievable courage means getting up every day and muddling through the worst of situations and still finding a way to smile.  They captured my heart and I felt a love for these kids that can only be explained as God given and leaving this place will not change the love I have for all the incredible kids I have been given the opportunity to work with.  

I’m not only leaving my babies but I’m leaving some of the best people I have ever known and had the opportunity to work alongside with.  The staff at the Children’s Home become much more than coworkers, somehow in the trenches and the chaos of our jobs we become family.  They are the people who laugh with you when all you want to do is cry.  These incredible people hear horrendous stories, face huge problems with limited resources, and are not recognized near enough for their efforts but they still show up every day and battle for these kids.  They are truly the hands and feet of Christ and represent Christ so well through their actions, not just their words.  It has been my honor to work alongside such incredible people and I know that no matter how far I go they will always be family. 

Many of you reading this are people that I have met through this job.  Whether you came to lead chapel with the residents, sponsored outings, came and cooked hotdogs for us, or brought Christmas gifts you touched my life as well.  There is so much evil in the world and sometimes it feels overwhelming and pointless.  But it never failed when I reached the point of despair over the situations I saw God would send people into my path who just wanted to reach out in love to the residents.  I have met people who loved these kids so much and had never even met them; people who truly wanted to serve and didn’t mind doing it for zero recognition or reward because it wasn’t about them, it was about these kids.  All of you reminded me that there are still good people in the world.  You all reminded me that “Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the World”.  You brought joy to the residents by your generosity, but you also reminded me of the hope that I needed to hold on to.  

So as hard as it is to leave I have to follow God to the next step on my journey.  I am leaving to pursue my license as a therapist and will be doing family and individual therapy with kids just like the ones here.  My heart remains the same.  I’m still the same bubbly, naive (yes I admit it) girl who wants to love on some kids and change the world.  But at the same time I am not the same girl, nor will I ever be.  Georgia Baptist Children’s Home has impacted me far beyond what I can type in a post.  I have learned so much over the past seven years that I could never begin to say thank you for.  But for all those that I know as a result of this wonderful chapter in my life, please know I am grateful for your impact on my life.  Georgia Baptist Children’s Home will always hold a very special place in my heart.

I wish I knew.

When I’m stressed I write, so expect a couple of posts over the next few weeks.

“I wish I knew...”   

That’s what I keep thinking to myself.  I wish I knew how this would play out… or how that would work… or what would happen next.  I wish I could just pause time, jump forward a year, two  years at the most and just make sure that all the decisions I am making are good ones.  I know I’m not the only one in this boat.  How many times have we thought if I could just fast forward to that point and then come back? That would make everything so much easier. 

I think for me it’s the fear of the great unknown.  I like the safety of routine.  I know what’s going to happen and how because for the most part it’s what happens every day.  But, when you shake that up things get scary.   

What if I can’t make it work, what if I fall on my face, what if it doesn’t play out like it should?  But… what if it does?

The problem with safety is there is no growth.  Everything goes like it should not because I’m trusting God to come through for me and not because I’m living life to the fullest but because that’s just the way it goes.  God gets no glory and I remain safe, but I remain the same,

 and I do not want to ever remain the same. 

I watched Son of God this weekend and the scene with Peter walking on water really got me thinking.  Would I have gotten out of the boat in the storm?  I mean think about that for a second.  The storm is scary, I’m sure the boat felt like it could flip at any second, and people were probably hanging on for dear life to whatever they could grab.  And Jesus asks Peter not only to let go of the boat, the only thing keeping him afloat, but also to step out into the storm with Him.   The boat may not have felt very safe but it had to feel like the safest option, but that’s not what Jesus was concerned with.  He was concerned with Peter learning to trust HIM and nothing else.  

So, where do I want to be?  Safely tucked in the boat hanging on for dear life or standing on water in the middle of the storm trusting that the One who called me there will always be standing with me.