Because we're worth it.

Christmas is here.  It is such a wonderful time to really celebrate and rejoice in the fact that God made a way.  God stepped into our mess and sent His son so that we could approach Him and have a relationship with Him.  And we get to pause once a year to celebrate and praise Him for that.  But, sadly that is not always the easiest thing to do, at least not for me.  

Christmas in my life equates with chaos.  When I took my job I understood that it would mean coordinating Christmas for all of the residents here but I did not understand exactly how much that would require of me.  I don’t think you can ever fully understand or ever fully explain the chaos that is Christmas at a Children’s Home.  I literally run from one place to another picking up gifts, dropping them off, wrapping or unwrapping which ever needs to happen, coordinating parties, attending parties, and somehow finding a way to answer emails and calls along the way (so thankful for smart phones!)  This is exactly why today I felt like such a hypocrite in our Chapel Christmas service when I told the residents they really had to stop and remember what this season was all about.  See, I hadn’t stopped one time today and remembered that Immanuel, God with us, was with me.  That He had thought I was worth stepping down out of Heaven and stepping into this mess of a world to be with me.  

  

I had gotten so wrapped up in my work that I had forgotten my mission.  

Earlier in the day I had come from a meeting to my office to drop something off and I needed to step into the gym to ask one of the group leaders a question.  When I went in, as is normal, a few of the kids came up to me vying for my attention.  A group of them were playing basketball on one end so they quickly returned to their game but one girl didn’t.  She’s not one of the popular kids; in fact she doesn’t really have many friends at all.  She annoys them and so they exclude her which makes her try even harder for them to like her which makes most of them like her even less.  She had been playing ball by herself on the other end of the gym, just enjoying life in her own little world until I came in and she came over to say hello.  She then asked me to play ball with her.  Of course, I quickly explained that I had far too much to do and not enough time to get it done much less enough time to play with her.  I apologized, she returned to her game alone and I continued on my mission to mark off things on my never ending to do list.  

 Now this is not one of those stories where I tell you her world stopped and she burst into tears.  In fact, I doubt that she was really affected at all by this rejection.   She’s used to it.  And that is what bothers me so much.  Nothing really happened because I said no but think of what could have happened if I had said yes.  If she had seen that I stopped living in my own little world of things to do and paused, even if just for five minutes, to spend a little time specifically with her, oh what that would have said to her about how much I care for her.  What if I had said you're worth me stopping everything for?  I wish I could say I went back in and played with her but I didn’t.  I spent the remainder of the morning accomplishing things and being productive and missed the one thing I truly should have done today. 

Christmas is a reminder that God says we’re worth it to Him.  He took on flesh, became a man, and died on a cross because He thought we were worth stopping everything for.  So, I’m going to try and remember to share that not just with my words but with my actions.  Because there really is nothing more important. 

Snotty noses and ear aches

I am convinced that there is nothing whinier than a 13 year old boy with an ear ache.  Well, except maybe an 11 year old boy with a messed up wrist or maybe another 11 year old boy with a fever.  Today the boys cottage at work was sick.  I mean every last one of them had some sort of ailment.  And oh how they whine.  At one point I was walking outside and I had one boy on  my left explaining where his wrist hurt, one boy on my right trying to convince me that he had lost a piece of tissue inside his ear, and one boy behind me begging for cough drops.  It never stopped.  And as I would turn my attention to one, another would suddenly get worse.  If I was talking about ear drops suddenly the boy with the hurt wrist couldn’t even walk he was in so much pain.  If I turned my attention to him the boy with the cold couldn’t eat anything because it hurt to swallow.  My boys were physically falling to pieces.  And I literally thought I was going to lose my mind and I was only watching them for an hour or two. 

My natural response in that situation is to tell them to suck it up and quit whining.  After all, they’re boys and its time that they start learning to deal with some things.  People always say if you baby them they’ll keep finding ways to get your attention and I’ve developed quite the reputation for babying the kids as it is.  So my first response was to just not give them attention.  Yes, they were sick but none of them were as bad as they were making it out to be.  The fever was gone, the ear ache was being medicated, and the colds were really just allergies.  So I thought about being the tough guy today and finally cracking down on some of this whining. 

And then I remember how I feel when I’m sick.  I’m 25 years old and if I’m sick I still call my momma.  I don’t expect her to drive down here and bring me medicine and I know there is absolutely nothing she can do for me two hours away, but I still call my momma.  I call her because she cares. I call her because I know she’ll worry and I know she’ll genuinely want me to feel better.  I call her because somehow it makes me feel better to know that my momma knows I’m sick. 

The kids at work can’t call their mommas.  Some of them can never call their mommas again.  So today, while I in no way am trying to be their mother, I was reminded that they needed me to care.  They needed all of us as staff to care and to worry. They wanted us to make them take their medicine, bring them sprite, check on them when they’re laying their heads down during lunch, feel their foreheads just in case, and worry.  They needed to know that we cared that they did not feel good.

It reminds me of the verse where Jesus wept in John 11.  He came to Martha and Mary after Lazarus had died.  He knew He was going to raise him back to life and He knew their sadness was going to be gone soon but He also knew in that moment they needed Him.  Jesus wept because He cared and He loved them exactly where they were.  Jesus wept because of their hurts and their pains. So I learned a valuable lesson today.  Sometimes the hurts and pains that I think are so trivial and will be over and done with in a day are monumental for that person on that day.  I have to learn to love like Jesus loves and see through the circumstance and into the heart of a person and LOVE them where they are. 

So, for today, I babied some sick, whiny, snot nosed boys.

Why I am IN IT TO END IT!

Slavery still exists.

There I was in my own little happy world at Passion 2012 when that reality hit me hard.  I had worked and still get the chance to work with girls who were taken out of sexual exploitation but it had never really hit me.  Slavery still exists.  People are still forced to work against their will for money they will more than likely never see.  I joined the movement to stand for freedom for the 27 million people trapped in slavery before I even left the GA Dome.  I gave some money, posted some facebook statuses, signed a petition, and prayed often for those trapped and my life went on.  Yes, slavery still exists and yes it made me sad but my life continued. 

I was not able to go to Passion 2013 but I followed on live stream and was so excited that the cause was for freedom for those 27 million slaves again.  I followed enditmovement on twitter and got geared up to show my support again for the 27 million that I was so sad for.  

And then my life changed in a big, radical way. 

Someone I loved, someone I spent time with on a daily basis, someone I would do anything for became a part of the 27 million.  My heart was shattered. I was angry, sad, frustrated, and numb all at once.  That 27 million all of a sudden was not a number.  It quickly became a reality of 27 million individuals, all who are loved by someone.  The enditmovement suddenly was no longer something I believed in it was something I desperately needed.  I needed and I prayed that somehow I could turn back time and end it before this happened to any more people.  In that moment I knew being a part of the 27 million was not reversible and that this person’s life and my life as well was forever altered because of it. 

Each person in the estimated 27 million people trapped is just that, a person. 

They might have mothers or sisters that sit up at night worried about where they are sleeping, wondering if they are even alive, and begging God to send them deliverance.  They might have children who are terrified that they are next in line for a long legacy of slavery or even worse, children who are accepting of the fact that they too will be forced to work against their will.   

These people matter to someone. 

Even if they have no family, they matter to God.  They are created just like you and I and they do not deserve a lesser life because they were born in a different country or made a wrong choice.  God loves each of those 27 million people and no one should be forced into slavery. 

It is not okay that fifteen miles from my apartment are pimps waiting in a hotel on girls they can coerce into prostitution.  It is not okay that while I plan out my next vacation an indentured servant is still working day in and day out to pay off his grandfather’s $30 debt in a sugar mill that will never allow him to make enough to pay off the debt.  It is not okay that men buy and sell women for sex and trap them by use of force or drugs.  It is not okay that the bricks on my apartment building may have been made by someone not paid a dime to make them.  It is not okay that children are kidnapped from countries around the world and brought to Atlanta, GA and sold. 

So I am in it to end it because it is no longer just a sad number. 

I am in it to end it because it is not okay. 

On April 9^th people all around the world will be raising awareness by shining a light on slavery and showing people that it still exists.  Please join me by marking a red X on your hand to show that you are in it to end it.  When someone asks what the X means just explain that slavery still exists.  www.enditmovement.com offers a lot more great information on the issue of modern day slavery and the ways we can all help!

400 Years of Silence

400 years they waited.  400 years of nothing.  Prophets had come and gone.  Malachi had left the Israelites with a stern warning to remember the law and to remember that God would be sending another prophet and ultimately sending the Messiah. But 400 years had come and gone and nothing. 400 years of silence from Heaven.  The Israelites didn’t have the best track record when it came to following God and He had given them chance after chance.  I’m sure some felt He had finally given up on them.  As generations came and went I’m sure the faithful dwindled.  They probably questioned like many of us “If God loved us then why is He not here?”  I’m sure many doubted the faithfulness of God.  After all, He had promised to send another prophet to prepare their hearts and it had been 400 years.  Where was God?  Had He finally given up on His beloved people?  Had He found another people that would be faithful to Him?  Was He going to scratch the whole plan and start over? 

The story of God comes to a despairing moment where you feel that all hope is lost for this people.  They couldn’t be faithful, God had promised to send another prophet after Malachi, and 400 years later still nothing. But then, Christ Jesus arrives. God hadn’t changed.  He was still faithful and to restore His people it wouldn’t take just another prophet.  He chose to clothe Himself in human flesh and come down not just to break the silence but to be with His people.  Because God loved the World so much He GAVE, He came, He broke the silence.  He stepped into the mess of humanity and chose to dwell not in a temple and not in the words of an appointed prophet but He chose to dwell in human flesh.  The creator became Emmanuel and dwelt with the created. 

Ephesians 2:12-13: Remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in this world, But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 

Just when it looks like God’s plan is failing, whether there is 400 years of silence or we are separated because of our sin and hopeless, Jesus arrives on the scene.  He saves the day. We can rest easy because when life is falling to pieces and we can’t make sense of God’s plan, He can.  

Merry Christmas.

My recent eye surgery!

So here’s how it happened.  A lot of people have been asking about my eye surgery; why I had the surgery, what they did, how I found out about it, etc.  Lots of great questions that you probably cannot figure out the answer to through facebook status updates or random pictures that have been posted.  So I wanted to post this to let everyone know how God worked every small detail out in this process and how excited I am to see His hand in this area of my life.  One of my all time favorite verses, and one that God definitely used to walk me through this process is Psalm 37:23-24: “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way.  When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.”  My goal in this post is to show you all how God planned my steps and held my hand and guided me exactly where I am now.

I was born with a stigmatism in my left eye that caused my brain to favor my right eye and thus caused my left eye to be a lazy eye or the official term is a strabismus.  When I was younger my parents would patch my right eye and did all that the doctors said to do but it didn’t help at all.  Growing up I just knew there was nothing else that could be done and so I learned to deal.  It bothered me but when you have no other options you learn to cope.  So that’s what I did.  Life for me was normal.  Although I did my best to be a confident person it still caused some major insecurity for me and I would frequently pray for God to heal my eye.  I would pray and it seemed like God was just telling me no because nothing would happen.  I had resolved that this was going to be my “thorn in my flesh” and I was just going to have to deal.  But, God was planning my steps.

I went to the doctor for a vaccination for Haiti and so, because everything in my life is a complicated process, I had to get a new general practitioner doctor which meant blood work and a complete physical.  At the physical the nurse asked me the generic questions about medical history and any surgeries in my past.  As far as I knew I told her that I had some eye surgeries when I was little but nothing since then.  She then proceeded to ask me if I had seen a doctor about my eye recently to which I told her no, there was after all nothing they could do.  She said that they worked closely with a doctor in Fayetteville (25 minutes from my house) that specialized in adult strabismus.  And of course my response was “I don’t have vision insurance and I cannot afford a specialist!”  She went on to explain that he actually took medical insurance and gave me the number for me just to check it out. 

When I called and made an appointment I honestly didn’t even think I would go but he took my medical insurance which I found strange so I figured I would at least give myself the option.  I didn’t tell anyone, not even my parents.  The appointment was two months from away and I was so convinced that I was just going to be disappointed and the last thing I wanted was for people to be sad for me.  My pride refused to let me be vulnerable in that way.  When the day for the appointment finally came I almost didn’t even go.  I was busy at work with a group and I just didn’t want to rearrange my schedule for disappointment.  But, as God would line my steps up, the group is one that I love dearly who of course was so understanding and could run their whole program without me even there so I decided to take a chance and I went to the appointment.

Dr. Greenberg’s office was packed.  There were people everywhere and my appointment that was originally at 11 ended up being at 1.  I was so annoyed sitting in that waiting room that I almost left several times.  In fact I went to the nurse and told her I was leaving that I couldn’t spend all day there but it just happened to be time for me to go back, another God thing.  Dr. Greenberg ran all kinds of tests and then looked at me and said, “yes, you have an adult strabismus” to which I thought “thank you captain obvious, can I go now?” But what caught me off guard was what he said next.  In the most nonchalant, confident way he just said “oh yeah, I can fix that.” I thought I was going to fall out of my chair. He explained that he was a specialist in adult strabismus and was honestly the best in the field.  It would be a surgery and it would take time to heal but he could do what I thought would never be done.

Over the next week or two God showed up in crazy ways.  There were several things I knew had to happen before I could have the surgery.  I knew it had to be cheap.  I could not afford to pay an astronomical amount for the surgery.  I thought best case scenario it would cost me $1000 and that was all I could handle.  The next thing, and I even mentioned this to a friend, is that ideally it would be done in October. My job is so hectic in November and December and I knew anything in that time would be impossible.  But, Dr. Greenberg only preforms adult surgeries once a month and he has a lengthy waiting list so I didn’t know how much control I could have over that.  And the final thing was I would need a week off work, and thus a week off of school because I wouldn’t be able to do school work for that week. 

The first call from Irene (my little angel nurse) was a scheduling call.  She called to inform me that the only date Dr. Greenberg had within the next few months was on October 12^th but that if I wanted it she’d schedule me.  So, of course, seeing as how that’s what I had secretly hoped for, I jumped on that schedule.  Irene asked me where I worked and when I told her GA Baptist Children’s Home we immediately became friends.  We spent an hour on the phone talking about her son that she had adopted who was now a teenager.  She had so many questions about kids from backgrounds like GBCH and I had so many questions about my surgery.  She was truly a God send. 

My next concern was school.  Like a crazy person I had signed up for 12 hours of graduate level classes to be done in 8 weeks.  This averaged out to about three papers a week and minimum of two exams a week.  But as God would have it, those eight weeks ended on Friday, October 12^th the day of my surgery (you can’t make this stuff up). The next call was to my insurance.  I was so nervous about this one.  The verdict was if Dr. Greenberg was in network I would pay my deductible of $250 and then everything else was covered. If he was not in network I’d pay my deductible and 20% of the bill which would end up at about $1000.  But see God had my back and Dr. Greenberg just happened to be in network.  So to this date I’ve paid $250 and everything else is covered by someone so much bigger than my insurance company.

The week of the surgery came and I was a nervous wreck.  Dr. Greenberg told me there was an 80% chance of success and I was terrified.  Very few people knew about the surgery (again my pride) but one friend at work knew and asked me how I was feeling. She happened to be sitting beside another coworker with a daughter my age.  This coworker asked what kind of surgery I was having and to escape being rude I explained it to her.  She told me that her daughter had the same exact surgery when she was younger.  I knew they were from Arkansas so I asked if her doctor was in Arkansas and she said he was when the surgery was done but they had actually followed him to Atlanta.  Her daughter’s doctor was Dr. Greenberg, the same man preforming my surgery in only two days.  Again God had planned my steps and ensured that I would feel at peace and trust in the fact that he could put people in my life when He wanted to. 

So I had the surgery on October 12^th and spent a week at home recovering.  The surgery was a success.  My left eye is now straight and moves in sync with my right eye.  My vision is improving in my left eye and now that it’s working like it should we’re going to look at ways to get my vision fixed completely.  It won’t be completely set and finished for about two months and it will be swollen and red for about another two weeks but it worked.  I am beyond excited about it.  It’s quite the adjustment and it still throws people off but it’s fixed.  So I had to write this post.  God showed up in my life and worked a miracle and I had to tell His story. Through it all God has showed that He is right by my side.  God planned my steps.  He held my hand and He answered my prayer.